Category: #kittyrandom

Imma be lazy like a cat.

So I’m just posting more pictures of Moosh Moosh’s wacky hi-jinx.

Maybe he wanted a beer?

Overzealous moosh-facing.

So kind of Moosh to allow Daddy to put his head on the pillow.

This is Moosh after accidentally snorting drywall dust. Drugs are for losers, kitty.

My million-dollar idea. Bottled kitten love.

Hi! I’m a kitten. Love me!

There are very few people on this earth that can look at a baby kitten and be disgusted. Even the hardest of individuals can’t look a kitten in the eye and not at least THINK “awwwwwwwww.” There are, of course, the people who are unfeeling towards kittens, Moosh Moosh having been the victim of one of them, and I say this without a sliver of joking, they should be maimed. Death penalty is not even good enough. Not the point today, though. Today, I’m sharing my million-dollar idea. I’m sharing this because it’s an impossible million-dollar idea, so if someone actually takes this idea and makes it work, I tip my hat to you. You deserve the millions.

No one can resist this.

Bottling kitten cuteness. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are a lot of jerks in this world these days. I can be one of them, but I usually like to reserve it for people who deserve it, like the people who don’t use turn signals or who grab my arm without warning to “look” at my tattoos. So if I could just bottle the “awww” factor kittens have, and spray it like mace, the world would be a much better place. “What’s that, Bin Laden? Terrorism? Have some kitten.” Boom. Problem solved. We might even be able to save America this whole healthcare debate. Who can possibly get sick when you’ve been dosed with kitten?

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

So you see, this is an amazing idea. However, without putting an actual kitten in a spray bottle (as a vegan and animal rights activist I can see this would be a very bad way to go about it), it is an impossible one. How sad.

Hey scientists, how about you stop making expensive prescription drugs that no one can afford anyway and get on this? Except for you Hadron Collider people, you stay on that. That’s good stuff. Keep it up.

More stuff about cats and tropical storms.

That’s my back patio.

Ok, so it wasn’t just Debby’s outer bands that hit us…Debby has been a bitch for 3 days now. I put too much trust in the CONE OF UNCERTAINTY (I freaking LOVE saying that, even better if you say it through an empty paper towel roll), as I discovered shortly after my last post. I ventured out only to the grocery store Sunday, and had we not been out of beer and needed something for dinner, I wouldn’t have gone out. It is, however, a good thing that I went when I did, because it got a lot worse and there were pictures of submerged cars in the parking lot of the Publix I went to. As it was, I was doing 35 the whole way. Yesterday all the bridges were closed, which didn’t really affect me because I didn’t need to leave my little peninsula. But a lot of people were seriously inconvenienced, which is, I suppose, better than submerged.

This was on my way TO the store. It was a lot worse on my way back. If you look at the left side of the other side of the road, that is an Applebee’s in a shopping center that also holds my Publix, and where a car submerged later.

Other than being really good snugglers, cats have this to offer over dogs (yeah, I know dogs snuggle too, but that’s not the point here): THEY DON’T NEED TO BE WALKED. Although I complain about the litter boxes constantly, during 3 days of gusting wind and sideways rain, I appreciate it very, very much. This is not to say that I don’t feel bad for the dog people. I am friends with many dog people, and I have heard all their stories and sympathize appropriately. Unfortunately, nature calling does not trump Mother Nature, which if you think about it, is really a conundrum.

YAY LITTER BOXES!

So for this, kitties, I am grateful that you take your nasty dumps in my living space. I also have to give credit to the Litter Genie, it works splendidly and worth every dime.

Moosh sleeping on my galoshes.

Tropical storms make good kitty cuddle days.

This is actually during a lighter portion of the downpouring.

We aren’t TECHNICALLY getting hit with the tropical storm, although it wouldn’t be my first. As a girl born and raised in the SUNNY (hint, hint Mother Nature!) state of Florida, I’m used to it. In fact, where I live is actually a peninsula ON the peninsula of Florida, so I’m really effed if a hurricane comes a knockin’. But it hasn’t…yet. One of my first memories is Hurricane Elena, she came around when I was 3. The eye never really came on land here but most of it did, so we evacuated to what would later be my high school. Fun times.

Back to today. Tropical Storm Debby may be going to Texas, but she is dropping a lot of her back end over here. It hasn’t stopped raining all day. The kind of rain that isn’t even worth venturing to the grocery store in, even if you have really cute pink leopard print galoshes like me. It’s floody, windy, nasty rain. Every time I think it’s getting lighter, it starts deluging again.

So really, perfect weather for doing the work that I am supposed to do this weekend anyway. Oh, and laundry. Supposed to finish that too. But I haven’t started it yet, because Moosh decided he wanted to cuddle, and I can’t say no to a cuddle. I guess he doesn’t like rainy days either. He headbutted me so hard it hurt. Violent snuggler.

Never regretted a kitty snuggle.

So I have wasted a large part of my day already in bed with a book and a cat. But really, is there any other way one SHOULD spend such a craptastic day?

Crazy cat lady AND a circus freak.

Ok, that’s stretching it a little. I am not nearly as tatted up as I could be, or even as much as I want to be. In fact, I just recently broke a SEVEN YEAR tattooless streak. I imagine it is something like a recovering heroin addict trying heroin again. They’re addictive. As soon as the needle started jabbing away, it was like riding a bike.

Here’s a shameful fact. Despite my crazy cat lady status, I have a mere TWO cat tattoos. There’s some girl who got a whole SLEEVE dedicated to her cats! I should have my membership revoked.

It’s not that I don’t WANT more cat tattoos, it’s that my style of choice is generally traditional and there are few ways to place cats in that setting. I’ve also seen a LOT of really really really ugly cat tattoos. Have you ever seen someone who got a portrait of their kid or mom by a crappy artist and the tattoo ends up resembling Sloth from The Goonies? That happens with cat portraits too. Do not want.

Below is my very first tattoo. Actually, it’s my third, because I have some dots on my hand when I was experimenting with india ink at 15 and also a lovely chaos symbol, also done with india ink at 15, that this tattoo is covering up. I got it the day I turned 18, and boy, am I glad I waited. I have very few regrets about my tattoos because they’re really a timeline of YOU, but I remember the incredibly stupid crap I wanted pre-18 and it was far worse than anything I got after. I was so very into punk rock and being an anarchist and although I’ve retained a lot of the snotty attitude and defiance, I no longer think The Exploited is a really inspiring band. But Gwar (the tattoo below) has stood the test of time, and they are still my very favorite band, and have been since I was 14.

Here’s the tally:

  • 5 skulls
  • 3 butterflies (they’re awesome butterflies, though…tough, not pansy-ass)
  • 2 hearts with daggers
  • 2 Gwar tattoos
  • 1 Guns n’ Roses tattoo (but I got it traditional-style)
  • And some various other things.

And only two cats.

This one, my ex did. This was back in his apprentice days but last I heard he opened his own shop and is doing really amazing work. This one is all faded, please don’t judge. I got this when I was kickboxing and was amused at the thought of kicking someone in the face with the angry cat.

And below is my newest masterpiece. I’d wanted a tattoo done by Jason Minauro for a really long time, but I never got around to it. When I finally did, I saw what all the fuss was about. He’s amazing. I fancy myself somewhat of an artist and in fact wanted to become a tattoo artist at one point, but I didn’t want to insult him with anything more than a rough sketch of what I wanted. And I am SO glad I didn’t, because his art was far better than anything I could have done. This is probably why he’s like, renowned and shit. He found my cat obsession amusing, and added such great little touches like the claws on the brass knuckles. I’m also very happy that it turned out so well because it is my first IN YOUR FACE visible tattoo (my forearm) and is rather large. And yes, the PAWS UP is a clever Lady Gaga reference. I love her. He also found this amusing.

Now…what to get next?

My Cat From Hell = Jersey Shore

So My Cat From Hell’s new season starts soon (if you haven’t seen it, it’s on Animal Planet, you need to watch). I love this show. I love quirky Jackson Galaxy, his penchant for for the rockabilly-ish and how he fixes even the worst of kitties, and makes the humans do actual work to ensure the kitty is living his or her best life. And chides them when they don’t put in the effort.

But essentially, I realize, I watch this show for the same reason I watch Jersey Shore: I feel better about my cats (and myself, when I watch Jerz). Jersey Shore is a bunch of pompous drunk morons who do really stupid things and say really stupid crap and get into the most ridiculous of fights. They make me feel better about ANY shenanagans I have caused by a night of too much Jager. Because as low as my lowest low is, I have never been that low. Nor have my lows occurred on such a consistent basis.

Moosh Moosh likes to play with…bachelorette party favors. So embarrassing!

While Taco is quite possibly the biggest pain in the ass the cat world has ever seen, he’s relatively harmless. I would really like to fix the whole “pee on the couch” thing but for the most part, his antics are merely annoying and sometimes border on endearing. (UPDATE: The boyfriend read this blog and voiced his displeasure with my lack of concern about the couch peeing. As if I like it! Honey. I’m just saying it could be worse. At least it’s a medical problem.) Despite being loud and overly curious, he’s lovey, he’s cute, and he never tries to scratch my eyeballs out. Moosh is a oddball, with his random licking of things and proneness to perching, but overall he’s a very well-behaved cat.

Takin’ it like a man.

These kitties on My Cat From Hell, they are crazy. The one that freaked me out most was the cat that launched himself chest high at his person. Moosh will launch himself on my shoulders, but not to go claw-crazy at my face. Most of the time the owners are well-meaning people, they just don’t understand cat like Jackson Galaxy.

So my confidence is boosted two-fold. One, my cats, albeit a little wacko, are not nearly as bad as these cats, which gives me a source of motherly pride, as well as a little bit of arrogance. Two, half the stuff Jackson teaches these people is stuff I already do innately. This makes me feel like I am MEANT to be a crazy cat lady. I KNOW cats. No special training needed. I don’t really know what this says about me, other than that I am a very empathetic person and I find cats more pleasant than humans. But I like to think this makes me special.

Just like I like to think that as long as I never show my “kooka” in a drunken haze on national television, that I am doing way better at life than a lot of people are. Although I rarely get embarrassed, because when you are as clumsy as me, you learn to be amused at your own antics. Otherwise I’d spend most of my life red-faced.

Bad hair day? Nope. Par for the course.

This post is oddly not about cats.

I have so generously been awarded an award. Thank you to CatPurrology! As a new blogger, it’s comforting to know that my writing is decent enough to warrant this honor.


The rules to the ONE LOVELY BLOG AWARD are:
•    Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them in your post
•    Share 7 things about yourself
•    Nominate 15 or so bloggers you admire
•    Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

So. 7 things about myself. So many things to say…

1. I am not a natural blonde. This is probably not a surprise, as my shade of blonde is not found in nature. Technically, though, I was a blonde as a kid, it just got darker as I grew up. So I bleach the hell out of it.
2. I have an addiction to shopping. It is quite serious.
3. I have a lot of tattoos, and I really hate when a-holes with tribals try to bond with me over our shared tattooage. Oh, are you Samoan? No? Well then.
4. I am easily distracted by animal print.
5. I’m a walking disaster. I can trip, fall, bump into and crush almost anything, especially if it is something I should not be able to trip, fall, bump into or crush easily.
6. In spite of the above, I have never broken a bone, except for my tailbone, I think. I fell getting out of a sailboat, right onto the rope mooring it. Not fun. Couldn’t sit properly for weeks.
7. I really really really love football and beer. The months between football seasons sadden me.

So that’s that. Nothing about cats, even! I figure I talk about them enough otherwise.

15 seems slightly excessive, so I’m going to shorten my list. I apologize in advance if I am breaking blogger code, but I so love breaking rules!

1. In other words

2. Tabi Happy

3. Not Average Enough

4. Spots of Odd

5. My Serendipitous Life as a Baseball Wife

6. furbabiesfurever

7. Whispers of Sunshine

8. ThreeCatYard

Gah, I’m so lazy today. If I left you out, it’s not because I don’t admire you, it’s because I’m sloth-like in my production today.

New obsession…surprise! It involves cats.

There is nothing that I do better than completely waste my time. Well, except for being a crazy cat lady, of course.

So when I discovered #catwang, it only made sense for it to become my new obsession.

Cats and randomness, my two favorite things. Nothing makes me laugh more, which explains the success of i can haz cheeseburger, I’m sure.

There are so many chores I’m not getting done because I’m too busy playing with this. Who thought of this? I want to shake their hand. I feel we are kindred spirits.

Of course, this is all easily accomplished through photoshop, but being that I hail from the age of convenience, the handheld-do-it-anywhere option is SO appealing.

In conclusion, if you have an iPhone, I urge you to download #catwang. It’s free, although you can buy add-ons (which I did — SHARK TEETH!) This is not a paid advertisement (I wish! Pay me, #catwang people!). It’s just too much fun for me not to pass on. You may already know about this. In my advanced age, it takes me a bit longer to glom on to what the kids are into these days.

The challenge right meow is….

Super Troopers is one of my all-time favorite movies. As hard as this is to believe, one of my favorite scenes is cat-related. And involves Jim Gaffigan. I love him. even though he loves bacon. Read on.

Mac: All right, how about “Cat Game?”
Foster: Cat Game? What’s the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right ‘meow?’
[Mac laughs – they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the…
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister… Larry Johnson?
[pause]
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an “eehhh” facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought…
Foster: Don’t think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
[man laughs]
Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin’ around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
[Mac is gut-busting laughing]
Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
[feigned anger]
Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, (7) I’m gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It’s the law.
[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)

I am attempting a blog challenge (please click here to learn more and read her blog, it’s awesome) from my friend Tabi, who has been doing this much longer than me and has a lovely blog about her human children and being a mom. She actually makes it sound fun! Obviously our blogs have tons in common, with me writing about my dedication to my own children. Except I doubt that “stay-at-home-kitty-mommy” would fly as a full-time job. There’s a lot of cleaning involved with my furballs but they sleep most of the day.

Anyway, to tie these things both together in a super clever and maaaaaybe WAY out there way, I am doing “what’s the word june” day #1 in style.

In honor of Foster’s “meow” #10:

SMITTEN.

Yeah, that’s right. I just did that. Booyah!

Sometimes I think he thinks if he closes his eyes I’ll just go away.

She works hard for her money — then spends it on cats.

As any kitty mommy and crazy cat lady knows, one’s purchases revolve around one’s cats.

For example. I went to Target yesterday for kitty litter, among other things (I never leave Target without spending far more than I’d planned to).

I spotted this.

Despite not having any human children of my own, I’m familiar with the Diaper Genie and its place on the “must-have” list for human parents. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS??? Literally everyone I know with cats saves their bags from the grocery store and uses those for litter. This normally would create a problem for me because I (try to) use reusable bags at all times. Fortunately, my boyfriend is not as environmentally savvy and never uses the reusables. (Side note: I also collect plastic bags from people I know for my mom to use at her used bookstore, if you live in the Tampa area or even if you don’t, check out Sam’s Books. Thank you in advance for allowing my shameless plug for mi madre.)

Litter Genie. Really. And it was cheap! 15 bucks to avoid the spillage that usually occurs when I try to scoop the TONS (I do mean tons, I cannot fathom how my 2 cats expel SO MUCH) of used litter into the plastic grocery store bags.

I realize that many of my purchases are done with my cats in mind. For example, my fancy vacuum cleaner. I would have bought a Dyson except this one came just as highly recommended for a lot less money. I love it. It’s changed my life. You wouldn’t BELIEVE how much fur this thing picks up. Every time I dump out the canister I wonder how my cats are not bald. WHERE DOES THE FUR KEEP COMING FROM???

Shark. Highly recommend it.

Bucket of cat toys. Filled with all the toys the cats only mildly like, because the ones they adore inevitably disappear into the abyss of I-don’t-know-where. Like those mousies with the real fur. Those are pretty much universally adored, right?

Other various cat things.

They like these.

One of the rare occasions this piece of furniture meant for the cats is used by one of the cats.

I have yet to buy a cat tree, though, I can’t find one that I like enough to spend that much money on, or I find ones that I like that I can’t possibly afford. I keep telling myself I’m going to make one but haven’t quite gotten around to it yet.

There’s also the useless purchases, like the beds they won’t sleep in, or the litter mats that do absolutely nothing to keep litter from getting everywhere. But there’s more used than not.

Had you told me, say, 10 years ago, that any of these purchases would one day excite me so, I would have laaaaaaaughed and laughed. But now I am a grownup, sorta, and a full-fledged kitty mommy. So I’ll just shrug. I did it all for the kitties.