Taco’s been a lil scratchy-scratchy with the ol’ clawsies lately, so today is SOFT PAW DAY! WHEEEEE!

When I was younger, I never dreamed my life would be so exciting at 30.

Moosh has never had an issue with the scratching. He’s very good about only scratching things he’s supposed to, although he does like to stretch up a wall here and there, but the claws don’t really come out.

Taco, being the bad son that he is, scratches wherever he pleases, although surprisingly not the couch (but he does pee on it, so I’m not really sure which is better). He ADORES my yoga mat. While I’m on it. Have you ever had to shoo away a cat scratching under you whilst doing the downward facing dog? Because I have.

I am heartily against declawing. It is not, as many people think, just an “easy removal of claws.” It is an amputation. It is exactly like removing the top joint of your finger. Even if it weren’t such a HORRIBLY INVASIVE SURGERY that was SIMPLY for the convenience of the owners, what happens if your cat gets out? Mine are actually terrified of the outside world (once, I left for work and didn’t close the door all the way, and the boyfriend, upon leaving for work himself, discovered the open door and Moosh sitting calmly on the porch chair — a porch that is not enclosed) but things happen, and I love them too much to put them at that sort of disadvantage. Nor would I want to dismember them.

Still not convinced? It’s illegal or considered inhumane and strongly discouraged in all of the following countries:

• England
• Scotland
• Wales
• Italy
• France
• Germany
• Bosnia
• Austria
• Switzerland
• Norway
• Sweden
• Netherlands
• Northern Ireland
• Ireland
• Denmark
• Finland
• Slovenia
• Portugal
• Belgium
• Brazil
• Australia
• New Zealand
• Yugoslavia
• Malta
• Israel

That’s quite a list. WHERE IS THE KITTY LEGISLATION IN AMERICA, OBAMA???

There’s also possible behavioral changes, complications and nerve damage pain to think of.

So. There is no declawing in my house. There is only Soft Paws. Which really aren’t that bad. Glue in the cap, cap on the nail, hold the cat, release. Reapply as necessary. They can eat them and everything. Out of 3 cats I have applied them to, only one has had a problem with them. Surprisingly enough, it’s the good son, Moosh (who, we discovered,  doesn’t need them anyway). I’ll apply them, hold him for the requisite 10 minutes for the glue to dry, and then he will walk 5 paces, sit, and determinedly begin yanking them off with his teeth. He will sit there as long as it takes to get them all off. This is an amusing process to watch, as I am far more lazy than him, apparently. I don’t have that sort of drive. Taco, on the other hand, doesn’t even notice them. He’ll just go on about his day.

I call this portrait “I f#$&ing hate you people.”

Without further adieu, off I go to fit the bad son with his mittens. I am merciful this time, and picked clear instead of pink.

Taco doesn’t care. He loves his fancy nails.

UPDATE: After a lengthy hunt for the claw clippers (finally found under the sofa), the soft paws were applied with little fanfare, until the “holding for 10 minutes while glue dries” part. It would seem that being held by me is akin to being held against hot coals.