This is why we can’t have anything nice.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love Pinterest. I also love HGTV. I don’t own my own house and I have very little to no sense when it comes to decorating, but I like to pretend I do by looking at pretty pictures and imagining I could do that.

Then I had an epiphany.

I can’t.

Because I have cats.

Pure effin' evil.

Pure effin’ evil.

As I sat there looking at the 834579348st picture of a well-decorated room with vases holding large feather-like things perched precariously atop a tall, thin “table,” I realized that THESE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE FUCKING CATS.

I can’t even buy a LAMP without thinking “Ok. Will the cats knock this over?” I mean, I found this fabulous one where the lampshade was hanging sequins but after I got over my initial “OOOOHHHHHHH WANT THAT” I immediately thought “Nope. Cat toys.”

THEY RUIN EVERYTHING.

So much to knock over here! AND IT'S ON WHEELS! Movable destruction.

So much to knock over here! AND IT’S ON WHEELS! Movable destruction.

All of my design choices are based on THEM. I have no plants in my house. I have herbs on my front porch so they don’t eat them, but some other animal does and then I forget to water them because they’re outside and I’m not constantly reminded.

If the boyfriend thoughtfully buys me flowers for any sort of occasion, I have to either take them to work with me or proudly display them in my bathroom.

Yup. These are in my bathroom. Right next to my toothbrush.

Yup. These are in my bathroom. Right next to my toothbrush.

NOTHING is off limits to them. NOTHING.

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12 comments

  1. Anonymous

    I feel your pain, sister. No joke – as I started to read this, Lily began hacking up a small woodland creature (hairball) in the kitchen. She then proceeded to move throughout the house as she completed her vomiting ritual. I had to stop reading to chase after her, paper towel in hand. The life we chose, right?!

  2. Boomdeeadda

    Oh man, I laughed like mad at your flowers in the bathroom. I got really nice flowers from Alys at xmas and had to continually put them in the bathroom when I left the house. Once I left the house and actually turned around and went back to check if I had or not. At least when I’m home they left them alone because they got scolded about a dozen times.

  3. aimee

    FYI – the Anonymous comment is from me. 🙂 For some reason, my phone didn’t remember me when I went to post the comment.

  4. catsinyourpants

    I’ve started sleeping with cheap bath towels as a comforter because they cost less to replace when my cat projectile vomits in the middle of the night, while sleeping on top of me.

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